Ok so tomorrwo night is the last night of my last spring musical at rancho. It kinda sucks. I find myself in tears to think about it. I remember my first day in the drama room. A little afriad taken back by all the posters and pictures on the walls. I remember my first show. The Wizard of Oz I remember not knowing anyone. I remember meeting Bailey and creating a friend. I remember My first green room and being completly confused on what was going on. Im sad to see it all end. I dont want it to. Years of memories many many friends. Ill miss you all. Thank you for being my family! Thank you for cureing tears and creating laughs. Thank you all of you!
Ok so im also a little upset right now. So im going to mira Costa, no arizona for me all because of money and yea im a little pissed about that. I feel like all i have worked for is nothing. THat i could have slacked off and it would not have mattered! GERRRRRRRRRR!!!!! there is not point! i feel cheated. I keep being told sorry... that dosnt help much....
uhhhg i keep trying to think of the good... well like, I get to have classes and two more years with Jez, and Jaymie... I mean thats cool... and I can transfer to a better school... but still GERRRR!!!!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Another new poem... Maybe a poetry slam entry?!?!?
ok well I cant take all the credit for this one... I have to give some to Nicki... cause it sorta branched off one of her poems, but I think hers is better.... sooooo here its at...
Go Back
Go back to the day I visited you at work,
and say I couldn't find a ride.Go back to the day I sent that text,
and study for a test instead.
Go back to the day I got in your car,
and scream.
Go back to the day I told you the truth,
and keep it my little secret.
Go back to the day you called,
and forget to call you back.
Go back to the day in the park,
and take back those memories.
Go back to the Crow,
and never look into your eyes.
Go back to the day I picked up the phone,
and forget who you are.
Go back to the weekend,
and tell you to forget it.
Go back to that night,
and decide to go out instead.
Go back to that vacation,
and invite someone else.
Go back to that text message,
and accidentally delete it.
Go back to that summer night,
and answer that phone call.
Go back to when you broke my bracelet,
and laugh at your childish manner.
Go back to that dance,
and tell you I'm busy.
Go back to that nervous phone call,
and be to afraid to make it.
Go back to the beginning,
and forget the path I took.
Skip to the end to hear you say,
"do you remember when?"
only to declare...
"I'm sorry I forgot."
and scream.
Go back to the day I told you the truth,
and keep it my little secret.
Go back to the day you called,
and forget to call you back.
Go back to the day in the park,
and take back those memories.
Go back to the Crow,
and never look into your eyes.
Go back to the day I picked up the phone,
and forget who you are.
Go back to the weekend,
and tell you to forget it.
Go back to that night,
and decide to go out instead.
Go back to that vacation,
and invite someone else.
Go back to that text message,
and accidentally delete it.
Go back to that summer night,
and answer that phone call.
Go back to when you broke my bracelet,
and laugh at your childish manner.
Go back to that dance,
and tell you I'm busy.
Go back to that nervous phone call,
and be to afraid to make it.
Go back to the beginning,
and forget the path I took.
Skip to the end to hear you say,
"do you remember when?"
only to declare...
"I'm sorry I forgot."
Friday, February 20, 2009
Poems
Okay so I have not written in a while, kinda busy with the spring musical and internship and classes and stuff... any who I have written a few new poems... possible submissions to artistic rhapsody!?! So tell me what you think... and i promise to open my mind a little more in up coming weeks... I know some people have been complaining that I haven't written anything in a while, *cough* Toni *cough*
feel free to leave comments...I love criticism, and complements are always nice!
*!WARNING!* SINCE I HAVE NOT POSTED ANY OF MY POEMS OR SHORT WRITINGS ON THIS BLOG YET I FEEL THE NEED TO SUPPLY THE FOLLOWING WARNING: I WRITE ABOUT TOPICS CONSIDERED BY MANY TO BE DARK AND OR MORBID. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME I AM NOT PLANING TO OFF MYSELF NOR AM I UNHAPPY. WHAT I WRITE ABOUT IS STRICTLY FICTIONAL WORK VERY RARELY A REFLECTION ON MY ACTUAL LIFE MORE. MANY OF MY WRITINGS CAN BE CONSIDERED AN EXTREME OVER EXAGGERATION. TRUST ME THERE IS A CLEAR DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY FICTIONAL AND NON FICTIONAL WORK, PERSONALLY I TEND TO THINK MY FICTIONAL WORK IS BETTER, NOW THAT'S A DEPRESSING THOUGHT.
#1 This poem stemmed off of the first line the words entered my head during Pre-Calc about a week ago and i was undecided what I was going to do with it until I got bored in Government the other day.
The love Garden
Love is a rose bed.
The scent draws you in.
The appeal of the sweetness,
tickling your senses.
You watch the beauty bloom.
But to touch is a dangerous game.
Scorn from bleeding finger tips.
The searing sweet pain,
coursing through your limbs.
A pain that's easily forgotten,
the next time you enter The Garden.
#2 This is a work in progress. I wrote it yesterday. The different color writing is the section i am unsure about. I also am not so sure if i need something else at the end. I feel like it is going some where but I'm not sure it just needs something. Suggestions would be great, *cough* Nicki *cough* =)
The Vampire's Kiss
The kiss of death.
The sweet taste of seduction.
The water of life.
The color of evil.
A pulsing taste of re-birth,
re-juvenated,
re-stored.
The slowing of the human heart.
Death at your own hand.
You take life.
This deed gives it to you.
You the night stalker.
The angel of death,
devil's minion,
or,
god's punisher?
Evil wrapped in high fashion.
Beauty surrounded by destruction.
A fear cursed in curiosity.
Welcome to the beautiful nightmare.
So you see that thing right bellow this line that says comment... do it!
Stay diffrent!
feel free to leave comments...I love criticism, and complements are always nice!
*!WARNING!* SINCE I HAVE NOT POSTED ANY OF MY POEMS OR SHORT WRITINGS ON THIS BLOG YET I FEEL THE NEED TO SUPPLY THE FOLLOWING WARNING: I WRITE ABOUT TOPICS CONSIDERED BY MANY TO BE DARK AND OR MORBID. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME I AM NOT PLANING TO OFF MYSELF NOR AM I UNHAPPY. WHAT I WRITE ABOUT IS STRICTLY FICTIONAL WORK VERY RARELY A REFLECTION ON MY ACTUAL LIFE MORE. MANY OF MY WRITINGS CAN BE CONSIDERED AN EXTREME OVER EXAGGERATION. TRUST ME THERE IS A CLEAR DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY FICTIONAL AND NON FICTIONAL WORK, PERSONALLY I TEND TO THINK MY FICTIONAL WORK IS BETTER, NOW THAT'S A DEPRESSING THOUGHT.
#1 This poem stemmed off of the first line the words entered my head during Pre-Calc about a week ago and i was undecided what I was going to do with it until I got bored in Government the other day.
The love Garden
Love is a rose bed.
The scent draws you in.
The appeal of the sweetness,
tickling your senses.
You watch the beauty bloom.
But to touch is a dangerous game.
Scorn from bleeding finger tips.
The searing sweet pain,
coursing through your limbs.
A pain that's easily forgotten,
the next time you enter The Garden.
#2 This is a work in progress. I wrote it yesterday. The different color writing is the section i am unsure about. I also am not so sure if i need something else at the end. I feel like it is going some where but I'm not sure it just needs something. Suggestions would be great, *cough* Nicki *cough* =)
The Vampire's Kiss
The kiss of death.
The sweet taste of seduction.
The water of life.
The color of evil.
A pulsing taste of re-birth,
re-juvenated,
re-stored.
The slowing of the human heart.
Death at your own hand.
You take life.
This deed gives it to you.
You the night stalker.
The angel of death,
devil's minion,
or,
god's punisher?
Evil wrapped in high fashion.
Beauty surrounded by destruction.
A fear cursed in curiosity.
Welcome to the beautiful nightmare.
So you see that thing right bellow this line that says comment... do it!
Stay diffrent!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
open water
Two days ago i was accepted into Arizona State University...
a creative writing Major....
For months I have been scared out of my mind. All my life i have held some comfort in knowing where i was going that one year latter i would be here or there. But the unknown has scared me to death, not knowing where i was going. But now i do, sorta, I'm not sure that I will for a fact be going to ASU, but it is an extremely real possibility.
Where at a strange place in our lives... I like to sorta think of it as the in between...
the in between between knowing and not knowing
its a scary thought... its like standing in front of the ocean... you can see the surface... but you cant see whats under it all... and you can only see so far...
And here we are standing on the shore...
we can see a glimpse of where we are going... but we cant go for it.
all we can do is look out into the open water... and prepare to jump
a creative writing Major....
For months I have been scared out of my mind. All my life i have held some comfort in knowing where i was going that one year latter i would be here or there. But the unknown has scared me to death, not knowing where i was going. But now i do, sorta, I'm not sure that I will for a fact be going to ASU, but it is an extremely real possibility.
Where at a strange place in our lives... I like to sorta think of it as the in between...
the in between between knowing and not knowing
its a scary thought... its like standing in front of the ocean... you can see the surface... but you cant see whats under it all... and you can only see so far...
And here we are standing on the shore...
we can see a glimpse of where we are going... but we cant go for it.
all we can do is look out into the open water... and prepare to jump
Monday, January 12, 2009
one year ago... you became my best friend
one year ago you changed my life...
on simple phone callyou soathed away tears and fears...
you listened and spoke...
you cared when you had no reasson to...
it was the worst night of my life....
you terned it into the starting point of the best times of my life...
Today you are soo much more then just the best friend you became that night....
Thank you... for giveing me my life... and standing by me when as became the person i am today
on simple phone callyou soathed away tears and fears...
you listened and spoke...
you cared when you had no reasson to...
it was the worst night of my life....
you terned it into the starting point of the best times of my life...
Today you are soo much more then just the best friend you became that night....
Thank you... for giveing me my life... and standing by me when as became the person i am today
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
More english home work!
crayon box
So I was reading this survey and one of the questions was "if you where a crayon what color crayon would you be?" and it got me to thinking... what color crayon would I be? after doing a little research ( im bored people, seriously I have nothing better to do with my time) I discovered since the establishment of Crayola Crayons in 1903, the Crayola team has created over 120 different colored crayons all deriving from the original 8 Black, Brown, Blue, Orange, Violet, Green, Red, and Yellow. New colors include everything from Flesh (which was changed to peach on 1962 due to the civil rights movement) to Ultra Pink (Ultra was used to identify the florescent colors until 1990 when the names where changed). In the early 1990's costumers were being asked to name the new crayons where names such as Wild Strawberry and Piggy Pink where introduced. After contemplating this wide selection of colors one would think I would pick the most outrageous crazy far from the norm color. But after much thought I easily decided which would represent me. Introduced in the early 1950's this color has been a part of every Crayola box. Never retired, never renamed, it is often forgotten that it is even there. But I believe the Crayon that would best suit me out of the box would be white. White! You say. Yes white. One thing about the lonely white crayon of the box is that though when you are first introduced to it as white upon opening a new box, it never stays that way. Eventually the other colors begin to rub off on it. Instead of that new white look it begins to get specks of blue, green and yes wild strawberry on it. When you finally do decided to use the white crayon you come to realize that it does not actually draw white. You are left with rembrents of all the other colors of the box that come along with it. And it never leaves the same colors sometimes its blueish sometimes it’s redish. These added colors often lead to frustration as you draw your sketch of the night sky when you are left with an off-pink looking star. But aren’t these specks just the influence and the knowledge the other crayons have left upon it. Each speck is a memory of the time that crayon was placed next to it in the box. How each and every crayon in the box has affected that white crayon. That ladies and gents is why I think I am the white crayon. Because when you first meet me I am a clean slate, but the longer you get to know me it’s the influences and the memory others have left upon my life that begin to be reveled. So in conclusion I would like to thank all of those who have left specks on me and turned me into the not so white crayon that I am
So I was reading this survey and one of the questions was "if you where a crayon what color crayon would you be?" and it got me to thinking... what color crayon would I be? after doing a little research ( im bored people, seriously I have nothing better to do with my time) I discovered since the establishment of Crayola Crayons in 1903, the Crayola team has created over 120 different colored crayons all deriving from the original 8 Black, Brown, Blue, Orange, Violet, Green, Red, and Yellow. New colors include everything from Flesh (which was changed to peach on 1962 due to the civil rights movement) to Ultra Pink (Ultra was used to identify the florescent colors until 1990 when the names where changed). In the early 1990's costumers were being asked to name the new crayons where names such as Wild Strawberry and Piggy Pink where introduced. After contemplating this wide selection of colors one would think I would pick the most outrageous crazy far from the norm color. But after much thought I easily decided which would represent me. Introduced in the early 1950's this color has been a part of every Crayola box. Never retired, never renamed, it is often forgotten that it is even there. But I believe the Crayon that would best suit me out of the box would be white. White! You say. Yes white. One thing about the lonely white crayon of the box is that though when you are first introduced to it as white upon opening a new box, it never stays that way. Eventually the other colors begin to rub off on it. Instead of that new white look it begins to get specks of blue, green and yes wild strawberry on it. When you finally do decided to use the white crayon you come to realize that it does not actually draw white. You are left with rembrents of all the other colors of the box that come along with it. And it never leaves the same colors sometimes its blueish sometimes it’s redish. These added colors often lead to frustration as you draw your sketch of the night sky when you are left with an off-pink looking star. But aren’t these specks just the influence and the knowledge the other crayons have left upon it. Each speck is a memory of the time that crayon was placed next to it in the box. How each and every crayon in the box has affected that white crayon. That ladies and gents is why I think I am the white crayon. Because when you first meet me I am a clean slate, but the longer you get to know me it’s the influences and the memory others have left upon my life that begin to be reveled. So in conclusion I would like to thank all of those who have left specks on me and turned me into the not so white crayon that I am
Monday, January 5, 2009
my english homework
Ligh vs Dark. Bad vs Good?
So many people have asked me what's so great about the night that I would rather get up at sunset and go to sleep at dawn. Why I spend countless hours lost in thought under the night sky? How I can prefer to walk into a dark room and leave the lights off.
But I have some questions myself. Why does the dark evoke fear in the human mind? Why do the monsters in the stories meant to scare us as children, (Ghost, Vampires, Werewolves, etc.) only appear by moon light? Why do we Search for beauty in the day yet fail to see the splendor of the night.
Fear of the Dark is not an uncommon thing, as children most of us cling to the night light to scare away the "monsters" from under our beds. Even as we grow older and learn that these monsters do not exist we still jump when the sliest sound stirs in the night.
We assume with in our minds the connection between darkness and evil there for making light=good and God and the dark=bad and the Devil. Therefore those who delight in those things we classify as dark and evil (Monsters, the night, magic, the darker side of our minds) are themselves classified as evil. But are they not just embracing a side of the human form others shun in fear or possible in an attempt to not be the evil outcast?
At some time within our childhood we all believe monsters to be real even as our parents reassure is that they do not exist. A part of our mind always is fearful of them. But as we grow up we tend to stop believing in them, however, those of us who continue to stay fascinated with these creatures of the dark are often made fun of and concidered outcasted, the dark creepy kids.
Vampires and magic are probable two of the legends that are so often the center of controversy. The Vampire has captivated the minds of humans for centuries. Many people are fearful of a creature that can appear as if almost out of no where sinking their teeth into our skin killing us. However a large portion of people long to have this vampire power..
What is it about the Vampire that captivates us? In almost every Vampire legend the hopeless romantic form seems to rise above the rest. How is it that something so sinister can captivate our hearts? What girl does not long for a vampire romance, to be sought out to be praised by a man that shows the utmost affection towards her?
On the side of magic, I have never met on person who at some time in their life not dreamed of possessing the gift of magic. To be able to bring themselves good fortune and those who do bad upon them, a cures. Yet as history has shown us we fear this power as well. Sixteen people were brutally killed during the Salem witch trials of 1692. All young innocent people accused of doing a great evil. Even today those who call themselves, witches and warlocks, are themselves associated with evil. Most of the time these are just harmless teenagers having fun, however there are many people out there who really do believe they posses some sort of power.
Do we fear these people because of the fact that we ourselves do not have something as powerful as this? Why is the church so determined to condemn children's books such as Harry Potter, calling it the work of the devil because of the use of witch craft? Are they not just harmless fictional books made to entertain the mind? What is the huge danger in a world of magical creatures?
Yes in a world of magic bad is going to exist there is always going to be someone out there power hungry wishing to take control. But does that not happen even today in a world without magic? Did Hitler not do as much damage as any one possessing a magic power could do? For were there is a bad side to something isn't there almost always a good side? Yes good may not always win in real life but has it not been shown through out history that good can at least make a crack in evils armor?
And what about the people that delight in these things. The stereotypical kid walking down the street dressed in all black looking as thought he's inches from flinging himself off a cliff. Shunned by the rest of the world because he would rather live with any pain he feels then to join this age of anti depressants. Where all we are doing is messing with the chemical balance of our body forcing someone to be happy can not be any more healthy then a person who struggles with the pain of an event in their life. We are so afraid of the darker side of our emotions that we have spent billions of dollars in changing them because it is said to be bad. But all these people are doing is realizing that this side of the human plate of emotions is completely normal and they have chosen to embrace it rather then shun it for the acceptance of the rest of the world.
And yet in the end everything once again comes back to associate with the darkness of night and evil. Is it fear of the unknown? As we fear on a walk home after night fall of a stranger emerging from the dark?
But why then do we not live in constant fear of the same thing during the day? I have never heard of a single crime that only took place at night and was not committed during the day. Then why at night do we suddenly become nothing more then venerable prey?
As night falls we rush past it into our cozy homes, locking all doors, turning on the lights, and curling up under a blanket as though it's some shield against the evils of the dark.
We fail to see the beauty of it all. The strange orange glow of a harvest moon slowly rising in the sky, casting an odd glow over the world. The shadows created by a tree's branches basking in the moonlight. How the colors of the world seem to change. They almost match to different shades of the same color almost as to say, "all is equal in this hour." Even a simple flower is different by moonlight, creases in the petals that seem to pop out of it, that were not seen during the day.
The most beautiful thing of the night is not really a sight however, but a sound. The sound of the night. The sound of silence. Silence that makes everything feel as though it is not moving. That the world is frozen in time and you alone are left with your thoughts. This stillness is only broken by the cry of some nocturnal creature, as to say, "thank god for this wonderful beauty."
For only god could create something like this. Something so beautiful, no evil could have laid a hand upon it. For in the beginning god created night and day, one can not survive without the other, as many opposites of this world can not. But as in all things that have a reverse, one is easily feared.
But in fearing, we have forgotten the wondrous beauty that we have been gifted, when the full moon revels itself for the first time on a cloud covered night from behind clouds that appear silver on the star doted canvas that is the night sky. The beauty that is the night.
So many people have asked me what's so great about the night that I would rather get up at sunset and go to sleep at dawn. Why I spend countless hours lost in thought under the night sky? How I can prefer to walk into a dark room and leave the lights off.
But I have some questions myself. Why does the dark evoke fear in the human mind? Why do the monsters in the stories meant to scare us as children, (Ghost, Vampires, Werewolves, etc.) only appear by moon light? Why do we Search for beauty in the day yet fail to see the splendor of the night.
Fear of the Dark is not an uncommon thing, as children most of us cling to the night light to scare away the "monsters" from under our beds. Even as we grow older and learn that these monsters do not exist we still jump when the sliest sound stirs in the night.
We assume with in our minds the connection between darkness and evil there for making light=good and God and the dark=bad and the Devil. Therefore those who delight in those things we classify as dark and evil (Monsters, the night, magic, the darker side of our minds) are themselves classified as evil. But are they not just embracing a side of the human form others shun in fear or possible in an attempt to not be the evil outcast?
At some time within our childhood we all believe monsters to be real even as our parents reassure is that they do not exist. A part of our mind always is fearful of them. But as we grow up we tend to stop believing in them, however, those of us who continue to stay fascinated with these creatures of the dark are often made fun of and concidered outcasted, the dark creepy kids.
Vampires and magic are probable two of the legends that are so often the center of controversy. The Vampire has captivated the minds of humans for centuries. Many people are fearful of a creature that can appear as if almost out of no where sinking their teeth into our skin killing us. However a large portion of people long to have this vampire power..
What is it about the Vampire that captivates us? In almost every Vampire legend the hopeless romantic form seems to rise above the rest. How is it that something so sinister can captivate our hearts? What girl does not long for a vampire romance, to be sought out to be praised by a man that shows the utmost affection towards her?
On the side of magic, I have never met on person who at some time in their life not dreamed of possessing the gift of magic. To be able to bring themselves good fortune and those who do bad upon them, a cures. Yet as history has shown us we fear this power as well. Sixteen people were brutally killed during the Salem witch trials of 1692. All young innocent people accused of doing a great evil. Even today those who call themselves, witches and warlocks, are themselves associated with evil. Most of the time these are just harmless teenagers having fun, however there are many people out there who really do believe they posses some sort of power.
Do we fear these people because of the fact that we ourselves do not have something as powerful as this? Why is the church so determined to condemn children's books such as Harry Potter, calling it the work of the devil because of the use of witch craft? Are they not just harmless fictional books made to entertain the mind? What is the huge danger in a world of magical creatures?
Yes in a world of magic bad is going to exist there is always going to be someone out there power hungry wishing to take control. But does that not happen even today in a world without magic? Did Hitler not do as much damage as any one possessing a magic power could do? For were there is a bad side to something isn't there almost always a good side? Yes good may not always win in real life but has it not been shown through out history that good can at least make a crack in evils armor?
And what about the people that delight in these things. The stereotypical kid walking down the street dressed in all black looking as thought he's inches from flinging himself off a cliff. Shunned by the rest of the world because he would rather live with any pain he feels then to join this age of anti depressants. Where all we are doing is messing with the chemical balance of our body forcing someone to be happy can not be any more healthy then a person who struggles with the pain of an event in their life. We are so afraid of the darker side of our emotions that we have spent billions of dollars in changing them because it is said to be bad. But all these people are doing is realizing that this side of the human plate of emotions is completely normal and they have chosen to embrace it rather then shun it for the acceptance of the rest of the world.
And yet in the end everything once again comes back to associate with the darkness of night and evil. Is it fear of the unknown? As we fear on a walk home after night fall of a stranger emerging from the dark?
But why then do we not live in constant fear of the same thing during the day? I have never heard of a single crime that only took place at night and was not committed during the day. Then why at night do we suddenly become nothing more then venerable prey?
As night falls we rush past it into our cozy homes, locking all doors, turning on the lights, and curling up under a blanket as though it's some shield against the evils of the dark.
We fail to see the beauty of it all. The strange orange glow of a harvest moon slowly rising in the sky, casting an odd glow over the world. The shadows created by a tree's branches basking in the moonlight. How the colors of the world seem to change. They almost match to different shades of the same color almost as to say, "all is equal in this hour." Even a simple flower is different by moonlight, creases in the petals that seem to pop out of it, that were not seen during the day.
The most beautiful thing of the night is not really a sight however, but a sound. The sound of the night. The sound of silence. Silence that makes everything feel as though it is not moving. That the world is frozen in time and you alone are left with your thoughts. This stillness is only broken by the cry of some nocturnal creature, as to say, "thank god for this wonderful beauty."
For only god could create something like this. Something so beautiful, no evil could have laid a hand upon it. For in the beginning god created night and day, one can not survive without the other, as many opposites of this world can not. But as in all things that have a reverse, one is easily feared.
But in fearing, we have forgotten the wondrous beauty that we have been gifted, when the full moon revels itself for the first time on a cloud covered night from behind clouds that appear silver on the star doted canvas that is the night sky. The beauty that is the night.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
