far to long since i last posted

not that it matters this is purely for me anyway...

I spent tonight doing something I have not done in a long time. I sat at my window and tried to fall asleep on the window seat. Laying there with the window open and the cool air filling my lungs. It was like the memories of you came in with every breath I took. The nights spend sitting there talking to you about everything under the sun. Those phone calls that would go on for hours. Those discussions that never really became debates because we agreed on everything.I can honestly say I have not had nearly an intellectual conversation that honestly intrigued my mind since. Those phone calls that made me cry and scream in anger. Those phone calls that caused the suffering of my grades and the sleeping in many a class.
That is all we ever had was phone calls. Nothing more then a voice to talk to. But for some reason or another they held the highest of value to me. I never knew when I would be getting the phone call how long I would have to wait to talk again. But when the phone rang with your caller ID it was never a question of to answer or not.
For the first time in over a year I let myself think about you tonight. I don't know why, Its not like i have told myself that I don't want to think about you. It is just you no longer hold an importance in my life. You hurt me. But you made me stronger. You made me struggle. But you made me stand tall. In destroying me you probably did the best thing for me.
I have been over all that for a very long time. Thus meaning that it is rare that you may cross my mind. And like tonight it is not a matter of any specific thought because I don't have one. Just that you left a hand print on my life. For good, or for bad, I can not say, and personally I may never know. I guess I don't know why I am writing this or what the purpose for saying anything at all is. But I feel like the statement is necessary...