I Cant Speak and I cant Hear But I dont Care

So I make it a goal I attend at least one concert a month. Last night I went to the Hollywood Undead Concert at the San Diego House of blues. Strange that I love this band, I tend to shy away from this genre of music with those type of lyrics however they seem to be an exception in my mind. But my choice in music is not what this blog is about but about why I go to Concerts.

Pushing my way through the crowds of people with the goal of making it as close to the stage as I can. People jumping pushing and shoving. The rush of toppling over and trying to get up before you get hurt. I LOVE THE RUSH THE CRAZINESS I LOVE IT! Standing there in front of the stage the pulse of every beat pulsing through every part of my body. Screaming as i rich out my hand and the lead singer grabs it. I love this feeling. I don't think many things beat the rush of going to a concert.

18 and starting over

So as many of you know ( idk why im addressing this like a lot of people read this I know only like 3 do) any who...... In the last 11 months I have severely made some changes in my life.

In 20 min i turn 18. I dont look at this as another birthday but as another life. I look at it as a complete redo. That I have gone through childhood, Preteen years, Teen years, and am now entering Adulthood.

I hope I can live up to my own expectations.

Friday night mind splat

Ok so tomorrwo night is the last night of my last spring musical at rancho. It kinda sucks. I find myself in tears to think about it. I remember my first day in the drama room. A little afriad taken back by all the posters and pictures on the walls. I remember my first show. The Wizard of Oz I remember not knowing anyone. I remember meeting Bailey and creating a friend. I remember My first green room and being completly confused on what was going on. Im sad to see it all end. I dont want it to. Years of memories many many friends. Ill miss you all. Thank you for being my family! Thank you for cureing tears and creating laughs. Thank you all of you!



Ok so im also a little upset right now. So im going to mira Costa, no arizona for me all because of money and yea im a little pissed about that. I feel like all i have worked for is nothing. THat i could have slacked off and it would not have mattered! GERRRRRRRRRR!!!!! there is not point! i feel cheated. I keep being told sorry... that dosnt help much....

uhhhg i keep trying to think of the good... well like, I get to have classes and two more years with Jez, and Jaymie... I mean thats cool... and I can transfer to a better school... but still GERRRR!!!!

Another new poem... Maybe a poetry slam entry?!?!?

ok well I cant take all the credit for this one... I have to give some to Nicki... cause it sorta branched off one of her poems, but I think hers is better.... sooooo here its at...

Go Back

Go back to the day I visited you at work,

and say I couldn't find a ride.
Go back to the day I sent that text,
and study for a test instead.

Go back to the day I got in your car,
and scream.
Go back to the day I told you the truth,
and keep it my little secret.
Go back to the day you called,
and forget to call you back.
Go back to the day in the park,
and take back those memories.
Go back to the Crow,
and never look into your eyes.
Go back to the day I picked up the phone,
and forget who you are.
Go back to the weekend,
and tell you to forget it.
Go back to that night,
and decide to go out instead.
Go back to that vacation,
and invite someone else.
Go back to that text message,
and accidentally delete it.
Go back to that summer night,
and answer that phone call.
Go back to when you broke my bracelet,
and laugh at your childish manner.
Go back to that dance,
and tell you I'm busy.
Go back to that nervous phone call,
and be to afraid to make it.
Go back to the beginning,
and forget the path I took.
Skip to the end to hear you say,
"do you remember when?"
only to declare...
"I'm sorry I forgot."

>>>> its a work in progress... I am not completely happy with it yet.. almost there... but i may re write it

Poems

Okay so I have not written in a while, kinda busy with the spring musical and internship and classes and stuff... any who I have written a few new poems... possible submissions to artistic rhapsody!?! So tell me what you think... and i promise to open my mind a little more in up coming weeks... I know some people have been complaining that I haven't written anything in a while, *cough* Toni *cough*

feel free to leave comments...I love criticism, and complements are always nice!

*!WARNING!* SINCE I HAVE NOT POSTED ANY OF MY POEMS OR SHORT WRITINGS ON THIS BLOG YET I FEEL THE NEED TO SUPPLY THE FOLLOWING WARNING: I WRITE ABOUT TOPICS CONSIDERED BY MANY TO BE DARK AND OR MORBID. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME I AM NOT PLANING TO OFF MYSELF NOR AM I UNHAPPY. WHAT I WRITE ABOUT IS STRICTLY FICTIONAL WORK VERY RARELY A REFLECTION ON MY ACTUAL LIFE MORE. MANY OF MY WRITINGS CAN BE CONSIDERED AN EXTREME OVER EXAGGERATION. TRUST ME THERE IS A CLEAR DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY FICTIONAL AND NON FICTIONAL WORK, PERSONALLY I TEND TO THINK MY FICTIONAL WORK IS BETTER, NOW THAT'S A DEPRESSING THOUGHT.

#1 This poem stemmed off of the first line the words entered my head during Pre-Calc about a week ago and i was undecided what I was going to do with it until I got bored in Government the other day.

The love Garden

Love is a rose bed.
The scent draws you in.
The appeal of the sweetness,
tickling your senses.
You watch the beauty bloom.
But to touch is a dangerous game.
Scorn from bleeding finger tips.
The searing sweet pain,
coursing through your limbs.
A pain that's easily forgotten,
the next time you enter The Garden.


#2 This is a work in progress. I wrote it yesterday. The different color writing is the section i am unsure about. I also am not so sure if i need something else at the end. I feel like it is going some where but I'm not sure it just needs something. Suggestions would be great, *cough* Nicki *cough* =)

The Vampire's Kiss

The kiss of death.
The sweet taste of seduction.
The water of life.
The color of evil.
A pulsing taste of re-birth,
re-juvenated,
re-stored.
The slowing of the human heart.
Death at your own hand.
You take life.
This deed gives it to you.
You the night stalker.
The angel of death,
devil's minion,
or,
god's punisher?
Evil wrapped in high fashion.
Beauty surrounded by destruction.
A fear cursed in curiosity.
Welcome to the beautiful nightmare.



So you see that thing right bellow this line that says comment... do it!

Stay diffrent!

open water

Two days ago i was accepted into Arizona State University...

a creative writing Major....

For months I have been scared out of my mind. All my life i have held some comfort in knowing where i was going that one year latter i would be here or there. But the unknown has scared me to death, not knowing where i was going. But now i do, sorta, I'm not sure that I will for a fact be going to ASU, but it is an extremely real possibility.

Where at a strange place in our lives... I like to sorta think of it as the in between...

the in between between knowing and not knowing

its a scary thought... its like standing in front of the ocean... you can see the surface... but you cant see whats under it all... and you can only see so far...

And here we are standing on the shore...

we can see a glimpse of where we are going... but we cant go for it.

all we can do is look out into the open water... and prepare to jump

one year ago... you became my best friend

one year ago you changed my life...

on simple phone callyou soathed away tears and fears...

you listened and spoke...

you cared when you had no reasson to...

it was the worst night of my life....

you terned it into the starting point of the best times of my life...

Today you are soo much more then just the best friend you became that night....

Thank you... for giveing me my life... and standing by me when as became the person i am today